I’d be outright lying if I said that I was okay with online learning—it’s a statement that’s even offensive to myself. Because as much as I’d like to indoctrinate into my head that whatever is happening, is happening, and I just have to put up with it being a result of the necessary situation, I just can’t bring myself to admit that this online setting feels right, or that it doesn’t feel like another episode of Black Mirror that I’m watching on my laptop screen. Because it kind of is—I’m meeting people who are supposed to be my lifelong friends through a pixelated monitor, learning concepts that are supposed to be instilled into me through earphones rather than my own eardrums, and I’m really just experiencing one of the most exciting years of my life pass by within the 10 by 10 feet of my bedroom floor.
While obviously, I can admit to how desolate or perhaps depressing my circumstances are right now, it’s really hard to look at it in a positive sense. People always say, look at the bright side! Well, the bright side is really that I’m still in school and I’m in a school that’s trying its hardest to continue education and strive for quality despite the difficulties that this new environment brings. I cannot ignore that. It’s a stark, small factor in my situation, but it does bring me a little comfort to know that I’m not the only one experiencing this kind of weird sensation, where I’m really progressing and doing everything while remaining stationary. Being online, despite all its downfalls, is really outshined by the fact that I’m connected, that I’m not actually alone with all of this. My struggle, even if I can’t see someone physically, is shared over the bandwidth of my internet, and my triumphs, even when experienced through a screen, are still my triumphs.
I think then, what really sets apart my own experience from the countless number of experiences of all the students experiencing online learning for the very first time, is that I’m experiencing it in an Atenean way.
That sounded almost too cheesy.
Well, because it is true. Everything I have been going through so far has been distinct because of the school I’m in. When I hear about the other happenings and events in my friends’ lives who went to other schools, I feel that small, stark factor again, that reminds me, that yes, there is a bright side! Because it’s made apparent by the efforts that this school is going through to make me feel as normal as possible, to make situations less strange. A lot of the time I wonder if I was in another school, would it be any different? Well, of course it would. I wouldn’t have an orientation seminar that was as comprehensive as it was, a community that’s consistently supportive no matter the mbps of my wifi, and a formation that seems to reach through my laptop and affect me in all the good ways. It’s a little weird, calling myself an Atenean when I haven’t even stepped foot in a classroom or walked the hallways where the breeze is apparently abundant and the fog populates in the morning. But the fact is, I do feel like one because of the way we’ve managed to adapt that environment. I’ve not only learned the rights and responsibilities, but a some kind of sense that my freshman year is enriched by all the genuine, sincere, effort to make it an actual freshman year. Besides the bold text and syntax that is entitled to being an Atenean, I’ve learned to accept this introduction to my college life, familiarizing myself with concepts that would have otherwise been irrelevant to me if I were not studying the way I am now.
We move forward, still, despite everything that’s happening. That’s the brightest side that I could have ever asked for. Now that I’m settling into a new routine, into a more comfortable mentality with which I can accept these weird, dystopian circumstances, I also feel urged to keep moving forward. It’s difficult to admit to myself that I am in fact, still upset with my current situation, but I keep moving forward. I may not be required to wear my ID (which is as much of a relief as it is a little sad), or I may not be able to meet my blockmates in the streets of Katipunan, but I still feel like I’m in an environment that I chose to be in. I may not be in a classroom anymore, but I still feel that responsibility to maintain academic dishonesty, and I may not be able to see my blockmates for the very first time, but I still know it’s my responsibility and right to be kind and receive kindness from the people who are basically residents on my laptop monitor now. It’s quite a wild, out there idea, that the same rules that would have applied while I was on campus still apply until now, but like I said, I feel so because of the way we’ve managed to adapt to this environment.
A Black Mirror episode would not be a a Black Mirror episode without some kind of strange and disturbing ending, but as I’m easing myself into the daily buzz and hums of online classes, this may very well become another TV show. I haven’t decided yet, nor can I really predict as I, or we, are all wading in unfamiliar waters, but I do believe I’m anchored with the identity, the different factors of being an Atenean, keeping me grounded. It’s unpredictable, but I think the same way we feel that sort of suspense and thrill, from a Black Mirror episode, I’m feeling excitement, a little anxiety albeit, but excitement towards how we continue to strive in this situation. And as cheesy as I begin to sound, I’m really excited to see how being an Atenean acclimatizes within the confines of my 13 inch laptop, as it seems to transcends all barriers anyway.